In recent days our family has celebrated the academic and artistic achievements of our youngest member. I feel all big inside and excited for what the future holds, but it is not the purpose of this moment to bask and brag, but rather, reflect on what I, as her mother, have learned about God’s work in spite of over bearing, egotistical, and selfish agendas. Melissa’s journey taught me how to treat my fellow man.
A helpless newborn is a myth. From the first breath she drew, Melissa knew her own mind and began finding ways to navigate life on her terms. I was oblivious and determined to parent in a manner that would validate my skills, intuitions and DNA. We were on a collision course.
This tiny human was clever, quick witted, hilarious and effervescent……. until she stepped beyond the front door. Among earth’s greater population Melissa transformed into a quiet, withdrawn and reluctant participant. It was frustrating to know my brilliant little Einstein would remain a well kept secret if she didn’t comply with my efforts to display her talents. Truthfully, it made me angry. She had the potential to set the world on fire and instead, she growled when people greeted her.
Behind the front door The Melissa Show was produced on a regular basis. Our video camera captured her antics in the privacy of our home. She delightfully reviewed each performance while planning the next. I provided her unending opportunities to take this show on the road but she wasn’t interested.
When Melissa entered adolescence my controlling behavior and her resistance made domestic harmony impossible. Her longing for peace drove her to discreetly blaze her own trail. She read books, investigated options, networked and made connections I knew nothing of. Does this sound dangerous? Yes, but she understood the ‘Not in my house, so don’t push it.’ In addition, her father and I had to provide oxygen, but we were firmly in charge of air quality. She respected our boundaries. As time passed I began to notice some really good things were coming Mel’s way. She had an incredible work ethic, her academics were outstanding and she was becoming strong in body, mind and soul. God’s hand was molding her in His image.
As Melissa crossed the commencement stage, laughing with friends, I cried as I remembered the struggles my precious child overcame to reach this goal she, not I, had set. You see, Melissa wasn’t born confident and charismatic. She is shy and deeply aware of the devastation public failure and humiliation bring. Predictable dialogue and strict social rules are her comfort zone. In God’s great love I see His plan for her life in theater where things are scripted and surprises are saved for the unsuspecting audience, not the players.
A mother’s narrative is not God’s plan. Instinct and experience weave a filter through which discernment and judgement is made, but we are scripturally directed to resist these carnal urges and allow God’s love to be the lens we use. This applies most highly to those we are intimately involved with. Relinquishing control was frightening, but it didn’t take long to see God and Melissa are a really good team. Do I still insert my motherly comments? Absolutely! She should keep her car clean and the tank half full, but I know it is God’s Word and the Holy Spirit that empower my daughter, and her sister, to do all things. It is the greatest peace I have ever known.
To the greater picture of humanity, if we don’t believe God is moving in the life of every individual on earth, for the good of those who trust Him, and to convict those who are unbelieving, then we cannot love without judgement and release our control to His omnipotent and sovereign will. Let everything you do model God’s grace and lead to Heaven’s Throne, then rest in peace.
Happy Mother’s Day,
Gretchen
P.S. I must give credit to the amazing friends, family and educational community that have given generously of themselves so my children can have the best life has to offer. Thank you to infinity and beyond. You are Jesus with skin on, the answer to my prayers!