When domestic terrorists blew up the Alfred P. Murrow Federal Building in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995, killing 149 adults and 19 children, and maiming 680+ others, I, along with many fellow Americans, fell into a dark season. It’s what happens when your heart grieves over your neighbors’ loss and pain. Again and again, as the world gets smaller via instant media, modern man is susceptible to constant despair, but to resist and numb ourselves to correct emotional response to tragedy is a tragedy in itself. So I’m reposting an earlier essay. My desire is that it steers you to a place where you can find peace in the midst of the storm and preserve a heart that does not fear to feel.
HOPE
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea. Even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”
Psalms 139: 7-10
I call them Judas days, moments that betray me, seconds of doubt and disappointment that flash through my mind, hook together with like thoughts and become days, weeks….. seasons of sadness and frustration. I have confessed my sins and they are forgiven. I believe that the exclusive, defining characteristic of God is Love, but in days of Judas, when all I know and believe doesn’t seem to be enough, there is an illogical shade of black on everything, a waning of warmth and comfort, a shift from confident balance and positivity, to a fragile grasp, clinging to the promises of a God I know is Good.
Why, as a devout Christian, am I not exempt from depression? I do not have the answer to that, I struggle with shadows that jump out of nowhere and interrupt my joy and emotional balance. I am NOT a mental health professional but I have found things that bring me through my Judas days in victory.
- Most importantly, find a health care professional you trust and be honest with him/her.
- Your feelings are real and there is no logic to this pain, so don’t try to reason it away.
- Chose to do good. Be kind. Someone needs the blessing of your presence.
- Compassion for others is born in our personal sorrows and failures. Give your heart some credit and take joy in what you are becoming.
- Rest. Don’t sulk, or wage emotional warfare against those that have hurt you, but rather, seek respite to restore and strengthen yourself in a healthy and appropriate way.
- God sends amazing people into your life. Don’t push them away in the name of independence and strength.
- Don’t get lost in the lie that this will last forever. It’s dangerous! Talk to someone…..today!
Cute quotes and sayings that patronize deep emotional issues are not the meat and potatoes food your soul is seeking. Stay in God’s Word. It is His voice and He will speak. The Psalms are a great place to start. God doesn’t chose the strongest to suffer the most because they can handle it. Facing down the gates of hell is something everyone will come to at one time or another. The outcome is your choice and is determined by who you take with you to win. Take Jesus (and a few of His friends)! He’s already won eternity!
One last thought: Good lives don’t just happen. They are purposely built. Reckless words and toxic things effect impulsive thoughts and responses. Be careful and sweep the dirt out of the corners of your heart often.
Love,
Gretchen
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: 1-800-273-8255 SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
GET HELP! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Skimming through your blogs today. The opening caught my attention & I felt the bond. But have never given it a name. So if I may borrow your term, Judas Days , from time to time. Hopefully not many 😊, but it will quickly get the point across to my fam. I love you! This.Today. My help.
I’m so glad my words lent something constructive to your journeys. I’m always here if I can help you.